White: Let’s not have anything happen this game
Blue: No… No… No… You want to play that? No.
Black: I’m going to sacrifice everything. What? Yes I know it’s your cat. I’m sacrificing it to draw 3 cards
Red: 1 Damage!!! 3 Damage!! 10 Damage!!! PASS TURN! ARE YOU DONE YET?
Green: Look at how big my creatures are! Oh you killed it… Whelp good game
Blue White: Just… stop trying to play things. Why aren’t you enjoying me putting cards down?
White Black: I go up, you go down teehehe
White Red: 3 DAMAGE!! SWINGING FOR 15!! STOP TRYING TO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN!! PASS TURN!!! ARE YOU DONE YET?
White Green: Just sit there quietly while I attack you
Blue Black: Discard. Dies. Nope. Nope. Nope.
Blue Red: You just wait until I have 5 more cards to pull off a 15 card combo to deal 6 damage to you!
Blue Green: Just so long as you don’t play anything nothing can stop me!
Black Red: THAT’S DEAD!!! THAT’S DEAD!!! I ATTACK!! YOU’RE DEAD!!!!! …oh you aren’t dead? You’re sure?
Black Green: Oh you kill that? I bring it back? You kill it again? I bring it back? Don’t even bother trying to kill my creatures
Red Green: My creatures are absurdly large, oh is it only turn 4?
White Blue Black: No. Just no. You may not play anything. You may not put lands down. You may not have cards in your hand. You may not draw or shuffle. Sit there quietly and watch me win
White Blue Red: I made this deck… FOR AMERICA
Blue White Green: Look how large my creatures are. What? No you’re not allowed to do anything. Just… just sit back and appreciate how large my creatures are
Blue Black Red: It all dies. Welcome to hell. Don’t you dare enjoy yourself
Blue Black Green: That thing you like? That thing you love? It’s no more. Now that you don’t have anything to distract you. Look at how big my creatures are!
Black Red Green: It feasts. It Grows. All Become Death
Black Red White: Destruction!! Complete and Total Destruction!!
Red Green White: Stop playing things, my creatures are large enough for both of us.
Red Green Blue: Noo, don’t take away my large friends. They wouldn’t hurt anybody no way no how. Also, don’t play anything.
Black Green White: I will never die. It’ll just keep coming back over and over again
Bonus: The Magic the Gathering Color Wheel (that is actually a pentagon)! How to Tell Who is Friends and Who is Not
Take a look at the color wheel found above. In the center you’ll the five colors of magic in a pentagon shape. At the top is white and then moving clockwise we have blue, black, red, and finally green. The position of each of these colors tells us about their relationship to the other colors. If colors are adjacent, they are allied with each other and share symbolic meaning with one another.
For example white is good friends with blue and green. Blue is friends with white and black. Red is good pals with black and green. However if drawing a line between the two colors at that line passes through the inside of the pentagon those colors are sworn enemies and will continue bickering even if you threaten to turn this car around.
To see this more clearly, imagine a line being drawn being black and green. Notice how the line passes through the inside of the pentagon. With that we know that black and green are “enemy” colors. Conversely if you draw a line between two of the colors and the line stays on the out edge then those colors are allied.
Sounds simple enough right? What about three colors? What if we were to draw a line from white to green and then over to black? The line from white to green did not pass through the inner shape so they are allied. However, the line from green to black passed through the center shape and we know that those are enemy colors. Similarly the line from black to white also passes through the inner shape and so those are also enemy colors.
In the case of a green, white, black we have a weak alliance with only one pair of allied colors and two pairs of enemy colors. However if we were to look at a white blue black color combination we would see that there are two allied pairs and only one enemy pair making this a strong alliance.
Still haven’t had enough? In three color groupings of that do not pass through the shape the center color is the key color and the two on the wings are the supporting color. This central color is allied with both colors adjacent to it but the cards on the wings are enemies. Think of the central color as the mediator between the two enemy colors. It makes sure they get along or at least don’t tear each other’s faces off. However in the case of three color combinations the allied colors share the central role while the enemy color serves as a reluctant support, maybe the allied colors kidnap its family and is threatening to kill them if he doesn’t cooperate.
There’s a lot more to the Magic the Gathering Color Wheel than just that obviously but understanding these basic concepts is… well honestly it’s pretty much useless but it’s at least a fairly interesting thing to know. I haven’t even started on the color’s interactions with one another in symbolic terms for instance. Maybe that will be the topic of a future instalment of Game Nonsense.